I have now been a resident of Nashville, TN for over a month! In honor of this momentous occasion, I decided to a write up a list of observations, thoughts, and concerns about experiences so far as a Western Pennsylvanian in Middle Tennessee. I hope they bring you a chuckle, as they have brought me a barrel full of laughs.
SO MANY WAFFLES: HOW?!
One of the first things I noticed about moving here is the notable abundance of Waffle Houses. Like WOW how are all of these Waffle Houses sustainable?! Like every block there is a new Waffle House! I mean, I LOVE waffles but from a business standpoint I don’t quite understand how or why there are so many Waffle Houses here. SEE BELOW!! Any thoughts? I approve of Tennessee’s love of breakfast food though…
I WANT TO SAY Y’ALL BUT IT FEELS WRONG
Everyone here says y’all. It’s so easy! It sounds so fun! So approachable! Yet I feel like an imposter when I consider saying it, like I have turned my back on my family like Scar in The Lion King. I don’t want to be Scar! Also I’ve noticed that people sometimes use y’all as a tool to keep their distance. Like instead of saying “I had fun with you!” people will say “I had fun with y’all,” to which I ask, “WHO?! Who else was there?! It was ME!!” I don’t want to make everything all about me, but sometimes I literally was the only one there…ANYWAYS, instead of saying “y’all” myself, I just say “you guys” and NOT yinz because, c’mon, I’m not that much of a Pittsburgher…
MY WORDS ARE WRONG
Speaking of being a Pittsburgher, I have realized this part of my identity influences me much more than I thought. I say things like “I need to sweep” when I need to vacuum and I call the vacuum cleaner “the sweeper.” And again, I can’t get behind the y’all thing yet. Finally, I realized that calling Pennsylvania “P.A.” is actually a weird thing. Like, who refers to their state by its letters but Pennsylvania?! WOWOWOW I’m a FREAK!!
WHERE IS THE SWAG?!
When I walk into the grocery store, I must ask: Where are all the Steelers-themed cookies, cakes, cupcakes, limited edition tortilla chips, dog biscuits, terrible towels, lawn gnomes, baby onesies, dyed carnations, crock pots, balloons, beer cozies, paper plates, stadium seats, bendy straws, and/or ‘Welcome Ya Jagoff’ porch mats?! There is a great absence of sports-related swag here and I don’t know what’s up!!! Where are all the themed food items?!?! Come on, Middle Tennessee…it seems like you’re missing out on so many branding opportunities here!
OPEN WINDOWS: A MYSTERY
My roommate has lived in our house for THREE YEARS and not once, EVER, opened the windows. FOLKS: WHY?!!?! The fresh air! The night bug sounds! The morning bird sounds! The cost savings! I understand: allergies. It’s hot. But sometimes there are not allergens in the air! Sometimes it is cool at night! It’s not like Nashville is a desert! Put some screens in your windows and open ’em up sister– there’s a whole world waiting for you!!!
I’M A TERRIBLE PERSON???
Okay, everyone here is very friendly which is great. But then it’s made me feel like a jerk/meany! Am I mean? Am I unfriendly? Am I a terrible person? TELL ME. Sometimes strangers greet me with such enthusiasm that I’m caught off guard and act like a bewildered mongoose caught in the urban sprawl! I don’t mean to come across as standoffish, but sometimes I’m so surprised people have mustered such enthusiasm in meeting me that my mind and heart is full of many thoughts and emotions!
MOSQUITOS ARE SATAN’S WORK
Every day. Every place. Every time. MOSQUITOS. They are my constant companion, and by companion I mean they are my unwelcome enemy that I want to be wiped off the face of this earth with merciless and copious amounts of pesticides. When I go running: bug spray my entire body. When I go for walk with my dog: bug spray my entire body. When I get the mail: bug spray my entire body. When I think about going outside but instead stay inside: bug spray my entire body. I have gone through an entire bottle of bug spray in a month and WOW, this is quite the thing! I can’t wait until all the mosquitos die. I will dance on their grave!
Well, there you have it. These are my thoughts, feelings, and laughs that have come along with my big move! Until next time, I will keep my eyes and ears at the ready for more experiences that I will come across.
Hope you enjoyed this list!